grace.

The coming fall sunshine was sending it's warmth onto my face as I sat in a very special place.


For now, I'll just tell you that I was sitting on a bench. A very simple yet unique bench in downtown Bemidji.


I sit there a lot.


Why?


Because God is meeting people there. True story.


Lately, there are stories springing up daily.

On Monday, I was enjoying a shake from The Breeze, reading, journaling and noticing the many people walking in and out of Wells Fargo. At one point, one particular women caught my eye. 


She was nothing short of precious.


She wore an adorable sun hat, a flowery shirt that she pulled off perfectly and walked carefully and purposefully with her little walker into Wells Fargo while a younger gentleman held the door open for her.


I couldn't help but keep my eyes on her as she walked by. Something in my spirit stirred and I knew I needed to talk to her.


As she was in the bank, I prayed and asked God what I was to do and how I was to pray for her. The main theme was blessing. As I was getting what and how to pray for her, tears filled my eyes. I can't even begin to explain to you why. It just happened.


One very specific thing was that God would bless her family and her sons and daughters. I didn't know if she had biological sons or daughters, but I was beginning to wonder if perhaps she was a spiritual mother to many sons and daughters.


Well, I waited outside on that bench. Close to 15 minutes passed by and she still hadn't emerged from the bank. I turned my eyes towards the door and saw her walker and I realized she was sitting down in a chair waiting to talk to one of the bankers.


Almost immediately I felt a nudge to actually go inside to sit down next to her and talk and pray for her there instead of waiting for her to come out.


Ummmm...


Thus began a wrestling match inside. I'll be totally honest, I was super excited for her to come out and I was not afraid to talk to her on the street. But for whatever reasons, the idea of going inside and sitting down next to her to talk somehow made me battle fear. I was humbled. Suddenly I realized I wanted to do this on my terms.


Here's some of the conversation with my gracious Dad. You should be able to tell quickly who is saying what.


"Are you sure, God? Can't I just wait for her to come out...? Am I really supposed to go in? Is it that big of a deal...?"


Those are just a few of my thoughts and questions as I wrestled.


As quickly as the nudge to go into the store was inside, so was the temptation to question and doubt.


"There's a purpose Suzanne...I'm teaching you obedience and I want to show my glory..."


"But it's so small and quiet in there...and..." yada yada yada...excuses.


"Trust..."


Well, eventually I did gather my things and I walked into the tiny Wells Fargo on the corner of the street praying as I stepped inside, "Okay, Father...here we go..."


I walked through the doors and as soon as I got inside, one of the bankers was walking towards the door with a customer and the cute lady with the sun hat was getting up from her chair to make her way to talk to women that worked there.


Now, there's not a lot of space inside this Wells Fargo and I just kind of stood there figuring out where to stand while thinking, "I missed it."


So I went back to the bench and sat. I knew I could still talk to her when she came out but I was starting to play the "what if" game. 


What if I had gone in right when I was urged to do so? What if I prayed for her in there? What if...what if...


Before I could get too far with that game, she came out and I got up, walked to her and asked how she was doing today. We exchanged names and then she asked me how I was doing and what I was doing.


I told her I saw her walk in to the bank and when I saw her, my spirit was stirred and I felt I was to talk to her and pray for her.


She smiled and said, "I will take all the prayer for blessing that I can get. And I just have to say, I am a blessed person. I'm 86 years old. I was a missionary in Turkey for many years. I have done a lot or work in the church. I have so much to be thankful for!" 


Spiritual mother to many sons and daughters...um, yep!


Then she reached her arm out and placed her hand on my shoulder and said, "So yes, you can certainly pray for me." And she began to walk away.


I envisioned actually praying for her in her presence and I asked quickly if I could right now. She said, "No, I have to get going." She made her way to the corner to cross the street and I assured her that I'd take time to pray for her as we parted ways.


So I sat back down and prayed the things that were on my mind and heart for her.


Well, most of that story didn't unfold like I thought perhaps it would the moment I first saw her. So I started to unpack it all with God.


Again, I entered back into the "what if" game.


God quickly intercepted. 


"Stop, Suzanne. Don't play that game. That's not the point. It's distracting you from Me."


So I started writing down what happened and as I'm writing, it's like God was debriefing it with me and teaching me.


As I'm writing the story, I'm hearing God interact with me. I had a song playing in my ear from Justin Rizzo. I wasn't really listening to the song until this particular moment. It's like three different voices all locked in together at once in a powerful moment.


I heavily sensed that God was telling me that there's grace as I learn obedience with him. While I hear that, the song in my ears declares, "grace..." and also at that exact second I'm at the point in the story where the woman and I exchanged names and I wrote it down. What was her name?


Grace.


I stopped writing. I almost stopped breathing for a second. 


"Ohhhhhhhhhhh...okay. Wow..."


I am convinced that God is always doing so much more than what we can see in any given circumstance at any given moment. When I first saw Grace walking into the bank and was so compelled to talk to her and pray for her, I had zero inclination that part of what God wanted to do through this all was meet me and bless me, too.


I said earlier that people are meeting him in that place. I have seen a numerous encounters this summer alone.


But one of the many purposes of meeting Grace that day was because God wanted to encounter me in the place where He's meeting so many.


He spoke to me with such power and authority, yet with gentleness that changed my heart. 


"There is power in this all. My Kingdom is coming in this place. When you hear my voice, just go for it. No need to wait when I'm telling you to go. Grace for you, my daughter. I'm growing you! And I enjoy watching you learn faithfulness and obedience. Keep learning...put yourself before before me. I will keep you steady. That's a promise, my daughter. I love you."


If you are ever tempted to play the "what if" game with God, stop. As a friend said to me that day, "Don't even pick it up off the shelf." I'll go one step further. Don't even purchase the game and bring it into your house.


Friends, God delights in growing us. He knows our hearts. He extends grace.


Receive. Receive. Receive.

thankful.

Facebook has this new feature where it shows you what your status was one and two years ago. Some of them have made me laugh...a lot. Others have caused deep gratitude. Like just now.

One this day in 2010: today i'm thankful for: an afternoon nap. fans. my bed. (we shall see each other again soon.) friends from church. hugs. a note from a dear friend. rootbeer floats. half price apps. music. working with great students and staff at bsu. being loved and humbled by a faithful and sovereign God. what are you thankful for today?

One this day...right now: today i'm thankful for: switching back to sleeping during the night and being awake during the day. completely amazing friends from all sorts of circles of communities and seasons of life. hugs. words of life and encouragement. redemption. ice cream. almost pee your pants laughter. talkative 5 year olds. frisbees. God's unfailing, crazy love. beautiful things. toasties and those who work there. being stretched and growing. 3rd st. guitars. stories of transformation. revival.

What are you thankful for today?  

summer.

When it comes to seasons, summer is definitely my favorite. 

Always has been. And there's a good chance it always will be. Especially if summers continue to look like this one did.

I say "did" because for the most part, summer is over. *insert sad face here*

There have already been a few early mornings and later evenings that had that fall feeling. If you live in a place where there are four seasons, you probably know what I'm talking about. It's when you walk outside and breathe in that crisp, cool air. The kind that reminds you of your favorite pair of jeans, sweatshirts and high school football games.

Those things are right around the corner! And fall is awesome, too, but I'm doing what I can to soak up the summer sun for as long as it remains here in Northern Minnesota. Which, in my opinion, never is quite long enough.

I had some excellent time in that summer sun this year. There were many days spent by and in the lake or floating on an air mattress in a pool at one of my favorite families in town. I even tried a new adventure that involved a larger than surf board type board, a paddle, the great waves of Lake Bemdiji, a good friend and lots of laughter. (Otherwise known as paddleboarding.)

I was able to visit family three times this summer, which is always a good thing since I don't get to visit nearly as often as I'd really like to. The Hager family reunion was unique and wonderful as usual. This years "unique factor" was a large inflatable jumpy toy...thingy. I don't know what they call those things, but the Hager family reunion of 2011 was fully equipped with one of them. It was a hit with the kids later in the day after it started to cool off a little bit since the heat index that day was around 100 degrees. It was also a hit for my cousin Charlie. (Who had a few years on those kids.) I don't know for a fact, but I'm guessing he felt it the next morning. But thank you for getting in there, because it was a source of much entertainment for all of us watching and taking pictures. 

On the topic of reunions, I had my ten year class reunion that same weekend. The day I received the invite for that was a weird day. Ten year class reunion? Has it really been ten years? 2001 to 2011 does indeed equal ten years. Thank you math class. I'll say it again...weird.

But it was a lot of fun and I enjoyed seeing people that I literally hadn't seen since they day we walked across the stage to get our diplomas. There were a lot of close friends from growing up that I wish would have been there, but it was still good and surprisingly challenging near the end. I was praying that I wouldn't get caught in the "comparison game" while there. Near the end, it was a battle in my mind as most of the questions were about what your job is, where you live and if your married or not. But here's the thing, I love my life and wouldn't want to trade a thing since I graduated high school. So thank you Father for identity in you and you alone. 

Random note - it's funny how things like Facebook change up the feel of a reunion. I walked in and immediately recognized the spouse of one of my classmates, even though I had never met him and her and I haven't talked in a long time. Thank you, Facebook and the ability to creep on people and know generally what's happening in their lives.

K...what else was great about summer of 2011?

My cousin, Sarah, started a new, beautiful journey of marriage with Ben. To celebrate that with them was incredible! It reminded me how crazy of a party weddings are on my mom's side. It was a celebration, indeed! God bless you guys richly!

With big transitions in life this summer, the class reunion and a wedding that compelled a lot of my family to ask me when we'd be getting back together for another wedding (mine), I have totally thought a lot about this area of my life the last few months. It's been a (very good!) journey through more singleness. I've continued to learn so much...so much so it's worthy of it's own blog entry sometime. All the single ladies, stay tuned. 

As mentioned above, big transitions occurred as summer began. Full time InterVarsity staff work came to a close and I stepped into new places and relationships here in Bemidji. Considering all things, this transition has gone INCREDIBLY well! It took a little while to adjust to the new job, especially the night shift element. Which I never did fully adjust to. That season is soon ending, as I only have three more overnights and then I get to function like a more normal human being and work while it's light out! This change is a blessing and provision and while I will miss the residents and staff from my current home, I see God's hand bringing me to a new group home. 

Three months of being a "night watcher" had great purposes, no doubt. Time with God during some of those nights was intensely intimate and unique. I learned to rely more deeply on Him for strength. I got to intercede in the middle of the night. I learned to listen more intently.

I also had fun cooking. Getting complimented on my potato salad made me smile. I truly am my mother's daughter. Even though I didn't use her famous recipe...

I learned to communicate with people in new ways. I learned that I take a lot for granted. Like the ability to form words and speak clearly with people. The ability to move around on my own. The ability to take care of myself. I learned that you can actually say a lot through sincerely looking someone in the eye, a genuine smile and a gentle touch of your hand on top of theirs. There is one person that has the most beautiful blue eyes and I'm going to miss seeing them every morning.

I'll definitely be intentional about stopping by and saying hi at the house even after I no longer work overnights there.

My schedule this summer (minus the challenge of overnights) was pretty much perfect for spending my off time in some very life giving ways.

Downtown Bemidji started to be hi-lighted in my mind and heart. Sam and I started spending some time at Toasties...no, not to drink. But to partner with God's movement there. The first night we went out, we sensed God's movement deeply! We had divine conversations with people, laid hands on people to pray for them, displayed God's love to them and continue to intercede on their behalf weeks after we met. There is a growing group of people in this city who are being drawn to downtown. Now that I won't be working Friday nights soon, I'll be heading down there a lot more on the weekend. I chill there a lot during the day, too.

My old landlord saw me today on 3rd St. When he saw me, he jokingly said, "I see you more down here than I did when you lived here!" I got to tell him why I come downtown frequently and how God is at work there.

God is totally stirring things up in this city, as He is all over the world.

This summer has been a time of God releasing identity, purpose and destiny into His sons and daughters. He has used this summer to further train up a growing army.

There are so many other great things about this summer. I moved into a house with Miriam. I'm declaring it "the healing house". (There will also be some sweet dance parties to come in this place.) 

I'm experiencing personal transformation when it comes to healing and the power of the Holy Spirit within me and his children. There is so much more to come! This fall, I'll be starting the Bemidji Area School of Transformation. This is connected to Bethel Church in Redding, CA. 

I had a date with my Groom this evening and I just spent time listening to what He's speaking over me right now. He wants to teach me so much right now. This school is going to play a large role in that! I'm about to be stretched and grown immensely! The heart of a learner...hmm. Yes. A friend asked me tonight how she can be praying for me. I have a lot of thoughts, but have been processing what it is on God's heart for me. I think that's one of the things right now. To have a heart of a learner who is sitting at the Great Teachers feet, prepared with an expectant and open heart to take in all He has for His student.

Okay, so it's time to wrap up this lengthy (yet incomplete) recollection of summer.

Summer of 2011, it's been real.

Fall of 2011, bring it on.

drenched.

I was sitting on the little front porch at my house while talking to my mom on the phone tonight. As we talked, I could sense a storm was rolling in. 


Then it started. 


The rain drops began to fall from the sky. It grew louder and louder until there was a downpour all around me.


I couldn't sit still any longer. 


"Mom, I gotta go. I have to get in the rain."


I told my mom I loved her and that I'd talk to her soon.


Seconds after I hung up the phone, I was drenched.


It was perfect.


There is something about rain lately. I have never loved being in the rain so much as I have this summer. 


Running in rain. Jumping and splashing in the puddles. Dancing in the rain. Laughing with friends in the rain. Praying in the rain. Laying in the grass in the rain. And probably my favorite: Standing still with outstretched arms towards an open heaven while rain falls on my face. Love it. 


Completely, totally love it.


Tonight was definitely good Daddy time while hanging out in my front yard in the rain. The song, Let It Rain, filled the atmosphere around that little porch as I had one of those outstretched arms towards an open heaven while rain falls on my face kind of moments.


As I soaked in God's love, I started to pray for this city. That healing rains would wash over Bemidji and completely drench every wounded body and spirit.


It's already starting. There are cracks in the walls that surround this land. Oh, but there's so much more to come...  

After the rain grew softer and softer, it started lightning. Big time. There were constant flashes in the sky accompanied by never ending, rolling thunder. Revelation Song, anyone?


I just sat there in God's presence, already drenched and soaked by the rain, but soaking in more of Him.


The same God that displays His glory in vivid, mighty lightning across the sky delights in moments like that, sitting together on a little front porch on a quiet street in Bemidji with His daughter.


Oh, that this entire city would encounter the delight God takes in us and be radically changed by His powerful love!