emmanuel.

and i call to you

from my darkest places

and i call to you

from my broken places

and i call out to you

with my simple prayers

and i call out to you

with my heart filled prayers

emmanuel

emmanuel

God we thirst

emmanuel

God we thirst

reveal to us

emmanuel

oh hear God we thirst

emmaneul

reveal yourself to us

emmanuel

oh hear God we thirst

you never leave us

you never leave us

you never leave us nor forsake us

and i'm aware of your omnipresence

my theology isn't always my existence

i wanna be with you where you are

emmanuel

the place where you are

give me eyes to see

emmanuel

you're God with us
you never leave us
you're right here right now
in the place where i am
you never leave
in the space next to me
that's where you are
i can't hide from your presence Lord
where can i hide from your presence Lord?
you're where i am
oh you never leave
you never leave

emmanuel by Paul Anleitner

http://firstaidforyoursoul.com/listen/

craving.

i can't help to think back over the day. today was pretty sweet - i spent like five hours with two incredible women of God. i could have spent another five easily. i felt like a sponge soaking up Truth as we talked and prayed. it was refreshing to my soul, truly. sometimes we get even just a little taste of such goodness from God that leaves us craving more. more of Him. His voice. Truth. healing. freedom. joy. this time definitely left me craving.

in the midst of easily feeling overwhelmed by a lot right now i am thankful for a God who speaks to us.

i heard such a cool song on the radio while driving in my car tonight. i remember the word emmanuel was in it - but it wasn't the well known oh come oh come emmanuel. it was a song i had never heard before. but there was something about that song that fit so well with what God was doing today. i hope i hear it again soon and figure out the name and artist who sings it!

tonight, i had a fantabulous time with some css students planning an outreach for next semester and going to bentleyville.

i am going to miss them. true story.

eighteen years and counting.

i remember a popular email forward from a few years ago called "a reason, a season, or a lifetime." basically, it talked about the different people that are in our lives (and that we are in for others) and their different purposes. all are special friendship and relationships, but have different purposes and time frames. i'm beyond thankful for different people in my life along the way who have made influential impacts in my life. i could share many stories of people who have been in my life for reasons, seasons and lifetimes. i can get overwhelmed (in a good way) with the amazing people i have gotten to know so far in life. tonight, i'm specifically reminded and thankful for one of my lifetime friendships.

we've known each other from the time she had an afro haircut & wore stirrup pants and i had neon shoelace & wore my bibs only half buttoned. our paths crossed in third grade in mrs. seehafer's class. that was 18 years ago.
since then we've had many adventures...too many to count, really. and i love it! as any good friendships do, we've had some ups and downs. but through it all have remained great friends. i thank God for our friendship and the many stories from along the way. oh how we could write a book of our stories! most include tummy hurting laughter - something that i treasure most about our friendship. today we had some quality amy and suzanne time. it was refreshing in the midst of the craziness of life. mcdonalds holiday pies, goofing around in the stores while she shopped, watching the holiday & elf and enjoying some white zinfandel made it a pretty grand day if ya ask me.

God has given some truly amazing friends along the way...amy, you're most certainly one of them. :)

give presence.

speaking of Christmas presents from last time...

i was introduced to something called the advent conspiracy at church a couple of weeks ago. i have definitely been challenged by it as God works to transform my attitude and perspective.

if you haven't heard of it or checked out the videos/website - take a look and enter the story.

http://www.adventconspiracy.org/

the promo vid and the one called "enter the story" are good vids to catch the vision for what it's all about.


worship fully.
spend less.
give more.
love all.


what do ya think?

waiting.

when i was a little girl, i loved Christmas.

wait, time out. allow me to share that statement with the full truth.

when i was a little girl, i loved Christmas...presents.

i loved the presents a lot. but i did not like waiting a lot...or even a little.

until after one particular Christmas.

we always put up the tree shortly after Thanksgiving. shortly after that my mom would start to place wrapped gifts under the tree. now, that means there is a span of about 3 weeks having the nicely wrapped gifts out in plane sight before Christmas Eve (which was when the gifts were to be opened).

well for a 9 year old impatient little girl, that was a long time. i grew up on a farm and there were many afternoons that my parents would both be outside working and doing chores. thus meaning that the pretty tree, many gifts and 9 year old girl were unattended for a short time.

one of these days i decided to take action. i couldn't wait - or so i told myself. i scoped out the situation, making sure my actions would not be seen or caught and i approached the tree bearing the many gifts. i looked at each present to find out which tags had the letters that spelled "to: suzanne" on them. i then, very carefully, picked one up from it's place. and then, very meticulously, pulled up the tape and unwrapped the gift just enough to be able to see what was inside. after getting excited about what was inside i would make sure the tape was securely adhered back to the wrapping paper and then place the gift back under the tree - as close to the original position as possible.

stealthy, right?

i repeated this process for each gift that was to be mine. 
i was pretty proud of my own little covert operation. 
i shake my head now and laugh. but seriously, what i little stinker (as my grandpa would say) i was.

the days and weeks passed and Christmas Eve grew closer. usually those days were filled with anticipation and excitement. but that year the days were like any other. i was still excited for Christmas Eve...sort of. but it was different. i already knew what i was going to be in each of those wrapped presents and thinking of opening them together as a family became kind of mundane, sadly. 
Christmas Eve came and the time to pass out the gifts came. and i opened mine and tried to act surprised each time. while everyone else was enjoying this time, i truthfully was not. as i sat there that night i no longer was all that proud of my stealthy actions from a few weeks prior. 
i felt like i ruined the fun of Christmas Eve. i never did that again. instead, i waited.

i look back now and realize that i ruined the joy of waiting. i don't usually associate joy with waiting, but i think there is something so good about waiting. even when it's hard and things don't make sense. 
often i think, "i wish i knew where i'd be in 5 years. where will i be living? what will i be doing? will i be marred? will i have a family?" often i wish i could just take a peak into the future and see. but then i remember that Christmas Eve night when knowing what was wrapped up before it was time to upwrap the gifts was really quite disappointing.

deep down, i guess i don't want to know. although i don't always think this way, i know that i do desire to wait and see what God has in store for the future...the joy filled days and tear filled days...even where exactly i'll be living in bemidji and when exactly i'll be moving...in the transitions coming...in life beyond this next season...and even the dessert experiences yet to come.

there have been some definitely surprised along the way so far and i'm sure there are surprises to come...and i want them to remain just that - surprises.

in the words of the character dan from dan in real life - "plan to be surprised."