listen in moderation - part 3

Here are my top 10 most recent songs I'm being careful to not repeat too much.

And by top 10, I mean more than 10.

1. Waterfall by United Pursuit 

2. Rise by Hillsong Live

3. To Make You Feel My Love by Mick AcAuley & Winifred Horan

4. The Lord's Prayer by Urbana 03 Worship

5. Luke 7 by Urbana 03 Worship

6. Luke 10 by Urbana 03 Worship

7. On Fire by Switchfoot (It's the chorus part that gets me.)

8. Overcome by Desperation Band

9. More Than Ashes by Tim Reimherr/Merchant Band)

10. Hope's Anthem by Bethel Live

10+. One Thing Remains by Jesus Culture

10+. Stronger/This Is Our God by Hillsong Chapel

10+. Embrace by Jake Hamilton

10+. Break Every Chain by United Pursuit

what day is it?

Since I have started working overnights, I sometimes have a difficult time answering that question. Or well, I can answer it. Just not correctly.


On Thursday I was convinced it was Wednesday.


It was, indeed, Thursday. 


I wonder if my co-worker heard me try to correct her at least three times and just didn't say anything to actually correct me? Or did I greatly confuse her, too?


Another morning at work, I asked someone how their weekend was. I thought it was Monday. It was Thursday.


I sense a theme. On Thursday mornings, perhaps I enter an alternate time and space that confuses me. Maybe it's something like the Twilight Zone? 


*Cue music*

So, what day is it? It's not Thursday morning, so I'm probably not in the Twilight Zone at the moment. I can confidently say it's Saturday. And I *should* be sleeping. Maybe? But maybe not? My schedule (I use that term very loosely right now) was thrown even more off yesterday.


I woke up on my own around 8pm excited because I had enough time to catch the end of Friday Night Worship. But then before I knew it, my alarm told me it was 10pm by vibrating and Jeremy Camp singing "In the morning when I rise, in the morning when I rise, in the morning when I rise, give me Jesus." 


Morning? Sure. I guess 10pm was my morning...last night.


I have concluded one thing for sure since working overnights. Overnights are tricky. And I think maybe they cast you into the Twilight Zone. I'm not totally sure on that yet. It's merely speculation at this point. I am searching for evidence to make a concrete conclusion.


Even though I wasn't in the Twilight Zone last night, I did struggle heading into work. I was bummed to miss worship, as it's a SUPER life giving thing each week that launches me off to work alert and focused on Jesus and His ways and purposes. I definitely missed that last night. Instead, I entered into work half awake and a bit heavy hearted.


A few things were on my mind.


One - I heard from one of my dear, dear friends yesterday morning. (The real morning, might I add.) Her dad battled cancer for the last number of months. He passed away early Friday morning. My heart hurts and grieves with them. I know our Father God, the most Awesome One, is at work in this all. There is great hope in that. Yet, it's paired with the reality of sadness right now. Oh Great Comforter, comfort your children. (Jeremiah 8:18)


Two (this requires some background info) - I have been a part of a group from church going through something called Life Keys. It's basically a tool to discover more of who God created you to uniquely be. It dives into life gifts, spiritual gifts, personality types, values, and passions. What I love about this is that it's majorly about knowing our true identity. It's about knowing we are in Christ when we are believers. But there is even more detail to this identity and that He created us with unique gifts, passions, values, etc and gives spiritual gifts. When we really come to embrace this identity, watch out! For real - we live empowered, confident in Him and in who we are made to be, and there is power! Can someone say freedom?!


And it's not just about us...it's about God's purposes and heart to restore all that has been broken in this world. We are unleashed in his power and identity to partner with the Holy Spirit in this great redemptive work. It advances his kingdom! I long for more and more of that. I have been learning so much (understatement) this summer. It's exciting. It's freeing. I love it! As a recent Facebook status indicated, I'm lovin' Life. True story.


There truly is a deep seeded joy right now. To clarify, joy is different than happiness - at least the way we typically think of happiness. Happiness tends to be an emotional state that can be swayed by the smallest of outside forces. I could exude the emotion of happiness until I stub my toe on the edge of the table. I probably won't have a great feeling of happiness in that moment. But my joy doesn't need to be altered. Joy is from God. It's a fruit of the Spirit actively working in your life. Joy is far beyond happiness.


I don't have deep seeded happiness when I genuinely grieve with my friend and her family who is hurting. Or I struggle to head into a nightwatch at a job that, I have to be honest, I don't always get super excited to go to. Like last night.


I was deeply blessed to get a text from a good friend that reminded me of Truth near the beginning of my shift. "Praying that the Awesome One meets you and those around you tonight."


So that joy I was talking about, it can remain steadfast no matter the circumstance because the Awesome One wants to meet us. Thank you, Holy Spirit. Seriously, thank you.


I am all over the place here - back to why I was wrestling more heading into work last night. As I have been learning more about God and who I am in him, it has been more and more freeing. I am being affirmed that my current place in regards to job really isn't the best fit. I had a feeling that was the case before I even started. I also sensed God speaking into this before I found this job. That what I did after InterVarsity (job wise) was going to be very purposeful, about relationships, but not the best "fit" and that I'd grow like crazy this summer in discovering more what a good "fit" looks like.


Ummm, yep! Totally happening.


The more I discover though, it becomes more of a wrestling match with my current job and my heart's desires. I'm just not sure what to do with that right now. I sensed this season I recently entered into was a place of transition into something else sooner than later. Again, I'm not sure what to do with that right now. I know I can honor God with my current job situation and I seek to do so. Yet, truthfully, instead of heading into work at 11 last night, I would have liked to have been heading downtown to the Toasty Beaver. Not for what you would think. Haha. I'll come back to this another time. ;)


The cool thing is my schedule allows for some cool things outside of work time, which I also sensed God say would happen and those things would be a great fit. This couldn't be more true! I have some very cool stories to share still about this. "We will overcome by the blood of the Lamb and the word of our testimony." Stories are good. Stories that testify to God's power and glory are even better.


So, what's my point in all of this? I don't think I have one today. Ha! I'm totally all over the place. But it's kind of fun to just type whatever is on my heart.


I know I'm not going to "figure it all out" and "arrive" anywhere. Life is a journey of continual growing, learning and being transformed more into the ones He created us to be. So I will hang out with God in all these thoughts and questions and be confident of two things:


He is forever faithful.


And...it is Saturday.

beautiful collision.

I watched the cursor blink in an empty composition box for a number of minutes. Waiting for me to release my thoughts on this blank canvas, it flashed in a steady and faithful rhythm as I drifted away.


It's not that I didn't have things I wanted to write about. Quite the opposite is true! An abundant amount of stories, reflections and Life are inside me and I fully intended to release some of them in writing tonight.


I'm confident those stories and reflections will be shared soon, but since over an hour passed since I started this, I'm clearly somewhere else.


I keep getting carried away by the worshipful music that's been playing in my ear and soul for the last hour.


You can listen here. It's the July 13th, 8am session led by Justin Rizzo. Every time I listen to this, I feel like my mind and soul are seriously somewhere else. I get lost where God's love for me and my love for Him meet.


It's a beautiful collision.


"Let me be found with a heart after You. And may Your eyes find this heart loyal to You. May You be all that's on my mind all of the time. Let my heart be torn in two until Your will is mine. Teach me to number my days. I don't wanna live with regret. Days I can never get back. Give me a heart of wisdom. Cuz I wanna be found faithful. I wanna be found steady. I wanna be found faithful til the end. I wanna live before Your eyes. I wanna stay before Your gaze. Keep me steady."


Keep me steady, Daddy.