meow.

elfyourself is back! i noticed this last week when i went to the office max website to see if i could email them something to print for me. it was one of those days that there was much to do in a time frame not nearly long enough to accomplish it all. so it would not have been wise for me to click on the link for elfyourself. i gathered together all the self control i could find that morning to not go there.


crisis averted.


i did not elf myself or elf anyone else that day. i actually still have yet to do that but i'm sure i will soon. if you have never been elfed before, this is your year - i can feel it. check out www.elfyourself.com and treat yourself to a good laugh.


anyway - i had a really great week at regional staff conference. it was refreshing. and i needed that. these past couple of months have been full...full of a lot of things. lots of thoughts, questions, decisions, campus work, investment, processing transition, frustrations, tears, growth, joys and more...


near the end of september i started asking some bigger questions about where i'm at right now. i had a strong sense that God was stirring things up inside, but didn't really understand what that all meant. but i did know a few things - that i've struggled working in the twin ports without a staff team to partner with. i've struggled to be a "planter" and "builder" on campus. and even beyond the campus realm i've struggled to find my place fully here in duluth. i really started to wonder if this all was the best fit for me and through that have struggled to know my place in ministry as i've been discovering more of my giftings, passions, strengths and growth areas. 


i have to say that this time of seeking has been one of drawing nearer to the Lord and for that i'm so thankful. i can and do go through dry spells in my faith life. foolish choices, lack of discipline and my own sinful heart has caused it's fair share distance in my relationship with God. but these past months have been amazing. not easy, i should say. but absolutely amazing. the goodness and grace of Jesus overwhelms me as i've been growing in delighting in the Lord. (psalm 37)


after seeking much counsel and direction from God, my supervisor and many other mentors & friends in my life, i sensed that transition was near. again, i didn't know exactly what that meant right away. and truthfully, i still don't what it all means. but at least some next steps have been uncovered and i have decided to make a transition. i will be continuing to serve through the ministry of intervarsity and investing in college students but i will be changing location. beginning next semester i will be working on staff at my alma mater, bemidji state university. i am incredibly excited to work closely with a staff team there. and having spent four years there as a student, i truly have a heart for that campus and city. i'm am anticipating the ways God will work through this as i wait for that new season to begin.


while i really am excited about this change, this decision was not easy in many ways. i wrestled a lot. there is much here in duluth that i have come to enjoy and have a heart for - friendships kick off this list, the campuses and students here, rock hill family, amazing sunrises over lake superior, hiking in the many parks are just a few of them.


yet when bemidji was one of the possibilities to transfer to, something inside was drawn to this idea from the get go. and that only grew as the weeks passed until i made the official decision at the end of october. i knew that if i didn't go for this opportunity, i'd totally regret it.


so the recent weeks have been full of many conversations as i've shared this news with friends & family, students, partners and donors. each of these conversations have really affirmed this move. there is a bittersweet element to this all. i'm going to miss duluth and the people here very much. i also anticipate the building of new community and reconnecting with dear friends from my college years in bemidji. as i begin saying my goodbyes here, there are hellos awaiting.


time here in duluth has been so so so purposeful and i believe i was supposed to be here. God had definite purposes for the time here, i'm couldn't believe that more. He has been so faithful.


i've been praying for God to raise up leaders here on campus - for fresh starts in certain areas - for a deepening of the goodness already started in other areas - for God to seriously SWEEP ACROSS THE CAMPUSES AND CITY. oh Father, bring life into dead places here. soften hard hearts. we need You. hear these cries!!!!


*sigh


i know God is working here and that He will continue to be. i have a hope in what's to come here.


i've been waiting to write about this until after certain conversations were had with people and students from both the twin ports and bemidji knew. i was introduced last week at bemidji and welcomed with open arms. i can't wait to actually be there! soon...


well there it is. meow. the cat's out of the bag. :)

smiling.

some things that are making me smile this week.
10. playing pool with brittany and acting like we're really good even though we totally aren't
9. celebrating a wedding on friday
8. culvers
7. laughter and line dancing in the kitchen with jackie
6. knowing you're being prayed for and that God hears those prayers
5. a streak of warmer, sunny days each complete with amazing sunsets over the lake
4. stories of transformation
3. achy breaky heart
2. this morning's time in john 15 
1. Truth

i blow bubbles when you are not near

i've been on a bit of a country music kick lately. it started with sugarland late one friday night.


"all i wanna do oo oo oo oooo whoo oo oo oo oo ooooo whoo oo oo oo oo ooo whoo ooooooo."


then yesterday i was driving to bemidji and for a good span of the trip there are limited radio stations. however, the country stations seem to be the most solid of them all going through those small towns.


it got me thinking more and i'm pretty sure i'm a small town girl at heart.
i enjoy being able to see the stars at night. i appreciate the freedom of enjoying wide open spaces. i like going into town and running into people i know at the grocery store check out line. heck, i like gravel roads. i sound like a dork. but it's true.


as i was driving yesterday a song came on the made me laugh out loud. the song itself isn't funny but it reminded me of songs of which i (or my friends) have misunderstood the lyrics.


i thought for the longest time that the one in this song i heard yesterday was "there might be a little dust on the Bible". in actuality, the correct words are, "there might be a little dust on the bottle".


i remember the day i cracked up in my car when a friend corrected me and informed me that it wasn't a song about God's Word, it was a song about wine. whoops.


i always thought the next line was good, "but don't let it fool ya about what's inside" made sense with the Bible. lol if i had actually listened to ALL of the other lyrics talking about the cellar and cleo williams making wine perhaps i would have caught on. (i'm shaking my head right now.)


listening to the whole song is helpful. context, suzanne. context.


when i was 5, i thought "walkin' in memphis" was "walkin' in medford" which is a nearby small town to where i grew up and thought that was pretty cool that medford was mentioned in a hit song.


then i rememberd my friend in high school. he thought the lines of "i try" by macy gray were "i try to say goodbye and i choke/i try to walk away and i stumble/though i try to hide it, it's clear/my world crumbles when you are not near" was "i try to say goodbye and i choke/i try to walk away and i stumble/though i try to hide it, it's clear/i blow bubbles when you are not near"


i kinda like the bubble version.

the song behind it all.

i first heard this song around the time i graduated from college. i've gone through phases of listening to it a lot. near the end of this summer i "discovered" it for probably the 10th time. it's good.

"every season" by nichole nordeman 
every evening sky, an invitation
to trace the patterned stars
and early in july, a celebration
for freedom that is ours
and i notice You in children's games
in those who watch them from the shade
every drop of sun is full of fun and wonder
You are summer
and even when the trees have just surrendered 
to the harvest time
forfeiting their leaves in late september
and sending us inside
and still i notice You when change begins
and i am braced for colder winds
i will offer thanks for what has been and what's to come
You are autumn
and everything in time and under heaven 
finally falls asleep
wrapped in blankets white
all creation shivers underneath
and still i notice You when branches crack 
and in my breath on frosted glass
even now in death You open doors for life to enter
You are winter
and everything that's new has bravely surfaced
teaching us to breathe
and what was frozen through
is newly purposed
turning all things green
and so it is with You and how you make me new
with every season's change
and so it will be as you are re-creating me
summer
autumn
winter
spring

the beginning.

the beginning.
  
well, other than being the beginning of a blog, i guess this isn't really the beginning. it's really somewhere in between a beginning and an end of a bigger story.
 
(random sidenote - as i'm typing and thinking and every once & awhile talking outloud, i'm having flashbacks to doogie howser. anyone else feel like that when the blog at a computer desk? i just need the theme song playing in the background...)

so...i like stories. and i'm hoping that this blog will be a place to share some stories and thoughts with whoever would like to hear them.

...


i've been thinking a lot about seasons lately. i sort of mean that in regards to the seasons we experience throughout a year: summer, autumn, winter and spring. being that i live in minnesota, i can say that i actually do get to experience each of those seasons. some we enjoy more than others. (i have my biases, too. have me choose between summer and winter and i'll definitely choose summer pretty much any day.) each have very unique characteristics about them. (colors, temperatures, and even smells.) sometimes they seem last for months (like winter!) or a week (like summers in duluth). 
i appreciate the creation of the outdoors and these different seasons. but more so (much much much more so), i appreciate and love the Creator behind it all. God is so good. always.


He is good in every season we experience throughout the year. and He is good in every season of life we experience and walk through. i've been thinking about these kinds of seasons most and God's working in them throughout my life.
  
some seasons have totally ended. others i thought had ended but perhaps i was wrong. some seasons are in transition as i type. others i am waiting and hoping to experience in the future. and there are probably many seasons i cannot foresee and have no clue what they entail. and that's okay. if i knew all that was coming (whether joys and laughs or pain and tears) i'd probably freak out. plus, then the surprise would be ruined. which reminds me of a particular Christmas on which i learned a good lesson about patience and waiting. that story will come later.
  
for now, time to hang out with God and then get some sleep. 
i'll end with part of a psalm i spent a lot of time in today. 
psalm 37:3-7

"Trust in the LORD and do good;
       dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture.

 Delight yourself in the LORD
       and he will give you the desires of your heart.

 Commit your way to the LORD;
       trust in him and he will do this:

 He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn,
       the justice of your cause like the noonday sun.

 Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him"