what do you want me to believe?

Where to start?! 


I have been working on a blog entry looking back on the year 2010. I am making slow progress on that. It just hasn't taken top priority in how I spend my time lately. I will say for now that there are a lot of things I find myself thankful for as I reflect on the last year.


Shortly after the new year, I flew down to St. Louis. This is not at all the point of sharing about this trip, but I can't resist to mention that while flying I rediscovered the wonder that is Sky Mall.


For a reasonable price I could have purchased a toilet training set for my cat, Dobber, as I was 30,000 feet in the air. Yes, Dobber could have learned to use an actual toilet. Or so it said.


I was a bit skeptical.


I also could have purchased the ever popular Garden Yeti. (For the garden I do not have.) I will tell you that I decided against both that day.


Oh, how Sky Mall is filled with such interesting items! It makes me think of all the stuff in this world that we believe will make life easier, more fun or more fulfilling. I just don't think owning a cat who can use the toilet or possessing a Garden Yeti is going to improve my quality of life. Sorry Sky Mall. You didn't get me this time. But thanks for the laughs.


I put Sky Mall back in it's little pouch in front of me and dozed off in my seat. Before I knew it, we were descending into St. Louis. I would spend the next five days with 1,200 other InterVarsity staff for National Staff Conference '11.
Coming in, I was feeling pretty drained.


Last semester ended with many things to be thankful for, both on and off campus.


God has been at work on campus. Yet, as staff, we were left with a holy dissatisfaction. We realized vision had been lost. We worked through a lot as a team and sought after God's heart more intently. This was good. Very good. But it was also a challenging and, at times, overwhelming thing.


While the holidays and time around Waseca was completely wonderful, it was pretty full. I came back to Bemidji and I wasn't rested. Then it was off to Staff Conference.


Nationals occur every three years. Last time around, the 5 five days were very impactful for me. I anticipated deep encounters with God.


That definitely happened.


God instilled vision again through His Word, stories from staff around the country, worship and time together as a staff team.


One of the moments that is still transforming my mind and heart is when Kristina Crosetto asked this question:


"What if the question isn't, 'God, what do you want me to do?' but 'God, what do you want me to believe?'"


Do I truly believe God can renew Bemidji State? Do I truly believe that God can provide a $50,000 budget? Do I truly believe the harvest is ready? Do I truly believe God's calling?


My conclusion from these questions: doubt has plagued my mind. I need Truth to saturate my everything!


Will you pray for this Truth to be known in all aspects of my life and ministry?


Oh, how I need Him!