infused.

Father
Jesus
Holy Spirit

infuse us

with words of life.

words of truth.

words of love.

words of You.

so that 

we speak

and radiate

life.

truth.

love.

You.

flip flops in the snow.

It wasn't my most wise decision to wear flip flops tonight.
 
Or maybe the mistake occurred when I was leaving my apartment earlier and I noticed flurries in the air but didn't go change into shoes.
 
Nor did I check the forecast to learn that a few hours later I would have the urge to sing, "It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas" and "Let it snow..." while walking to my car through a few inches of freshly fallen snow.
 
Then again, it's April 15th and it was around 70 degrees a few days ago. Should have I expected a winter wonderland when I walked outside after worship?
 
Then again, it is Minnesota. Anything goes.
 
So my toes got cold. Like, COLD. Now they feel like they are on fire. Probably not good. Whoops. ;)
 
Good news is that I have new tires on my car and pretty sure if I didn't, I wouldn't be sitting at home now.
 
Even better news is that, despite the fact I'd rather there not be a large amount of snow on the ground, God is on the move and He is good.
 
Tonight rocked. 
 
And I think there is something about the snow that is speaking goodness over this city.
 
During worship while we were crying out to God to move and transform this city, the thought and picture of God's Truth blanketing Bemidji came to mind.
 
Then I looked outside and there it was.
 
Blanketing the ground was pure, freshly fallen snow.
 
Simply beautiful. (Yes, even in April. But maybe slightly more beautiful on Dec 24th? That's up for debate.)
 
Prayers are rising up and His glory is falling down.
 
Prayers are rising up to a powerful God who is jealous to have our heart's affections directed solely at Him.
 
God's glory is falling down onto this place. Torrential downpours not even a week ago. Pure, white snow on the ground tonight.
 
It's hard to deny torrential rain or the falling snow (especially when you are wearing flip flops). Just as we can't deny those things, we can't deny that You are moving here. You are stirring something...something powerfully transforming.
 
Father God, thank you that You do not relent. Do whatever it takes until the city of Bemidji is one with You.

listen in moderation while blowing bubbles - part 2

While there is much I want to blog about, I'm not sure where to begin right now. I think I just need to hold off a bit. I will, however, say two things. One, March was one crazy ride! Two, God is good! Always. 

I do sit here tonight in my closet office and really want to blog, so in order to feed my hunger to do so, I'll share something that doesn't require much thought. :)

It's that time again to make a list of songs that I have enjoyed lately and/or that God has used to draw me into His Truth and heart. I do this so that perhaps you will discover something new and fun and I hope that maybe you'll leave a little comment with some of the songs you have really enjoyed, too. 

(Fyi - I'm combining a theme from two different blog entries from the past: listen in moderation and i blow bubbles when you are not near. Hence the title.)

Just to get this out of the way, there was a song sung at church this weekend during the offering. I thought it was an awesome song, except for one of the lines that I just couldn't make sense of. Then I heard it on the radio yesterday and I thought the same thing. I kind of blew past it and didn't think too hard about it. This is the line that didn't make sense: "When did love become a movie?"

...What?...?

The rest of the song is about the tension and beauty of surrendering to God and giving him our everything. How does that movie line fit?

Well, it doesn't.

Because those aren't the lyrics. 

Yes, another case of "I blow bubbles when you are not near" or "There might be a little dust on the Bible."

When I googled that line, I discovered I was definitely mishearing. 

The correct lyrics are: "When did love become unmoving?" Makes more sense in the context of the song. Yep.

On that note, that song will kick off my list. If you want to listen, just click on the song title.  

1. You Can Have Me by Sidewalk Prophets

2. Something Beautiful by NeedToBreathe

3. Climb (Live) by United Pursuit Band

4. Set A Fire by United Pursuit Band

5. Let It Rain by Jesus Culture

6. Mighty River by Jason Upton

7. Glory Come Down by Jason Upton

8. People Get Ready by Misty Edwards

9. It Is Well by Shane & Shane

10. Christ Is Risen by Matt Maher - another cool vid to this song

11. Lost In You by FM Static

12. Stuck Like Glue by Sugarland - this one is just flat out fun. 

Your turn. Any cool songs you have been listening to lately? (In moderation, of course.)

numerous thoughts and ashes on my forehead.

It's been a strange week. 

But I'll start briefly with last week. I had a great time in Duluth and the cities. Every time I connect with the staff team, friends and ministry partners I am deeply encouraged and reminded how blessed I am to have relationships with such amazing people. It's awesome.

I was in Apple Valley Friday night and got to meet my adorable new Goddaughter, Faith, and have dinner with my cousins. I ran into some car trouble and was about ready to have a sleepover party at Dan and Bobbie's but my dad is amazing and helped me over the phone. All I had to do was wiggle the wires attached to my battery.

Really?

Yep, that was it. The car started right up and off I went.

Side note...if you can wiggle the wires, that's not a good thing so you should probably tighten them up so you don't run into the same problem I did.

I made it back late that night and slept hard. I woke up the next morning to my alarm going off, not sure where I was or what I had to get up for. In my daze I shut off the alarm and went back to sleep until my mom came in and asked if I was going with her and my sister to an auction in Mankato.

I really wanted to spend time with them, so I quickly got up and ready and out the door. I experienced my first true auction that day. The auctioneer did talk a mile a minute like the John Michael Montgomery song "Sold" suggests. I was entertained at first but then I started to not feel well.

Enters in the not-so-fun part of my time back home. For the next two days I felt super crummy but wasn't sure what was going on. I didn't go ice fishing with the kids like I had planned, nor did I greatly enjoy the birthday party on Sunday just because all I wanted to do was curl up on the couch.

That night I started throwing up and it lasted until the next evening. That pretty much wiped me out for another full day.

Dislike.

Yet I should count my blessings, and the fact that I was at home with my amazing mom during this was a huge help. Thank you!

Today I didn't spend the whole day in bed, got back in touch with reality and worked on fund development and our upcoming campus outreach. I started eating more normally and my energy returned. It feels good to be restored back to health. May I never take that for granted!

Tonight I went to Ash Wednesday Mass with my mom, Jackie and Emily. I don't think I have been back at Sacred Heart on Ash Wednesday since I was in high school.

It made me miss journeying through the Lenten season here. I miss the richness the catholic church brings to this time of the year. 

I greatly appreciated Fr. Marty's words to everyone that this would truly be a different Lenten season than any other because of the ways we would encounter a living God who loves us and transforms us. He called people into a season of conversion if they had never truly known the love of Christ before and only had gone through the motions all their lives. He called us to repent and turn to Jesus. He called us to invite others into knowing God. 

All the words were simple, yet were what I needed to hear.

I fear I have become complacent with an off-kilter spiritual life as of late. A kind of "going through the motions" period.

It's easy to justify actions, attitudes and thoughts when you're in this place. It's easy to want to give up. It's easy to listen to lies.

If you know what I'm talking about, too, please don't give up or give in. Keep pressing forward! Let's do it together as brothers and sisters. Back in Bemidji, we are gearing up for a big outreach on campus. I anticipate the battle will get stronger and more wearing as the week approaches. Friends, let's fight! We need to!

A dear friend sent me this song last week. We haven't talked for a long time but as she listened to the song she felt a nudge to send it to me. I have always appreciated her for responding to those nudges from the Holy Spirit. 

The ashes are still on my forehead. When I wash them off with soap and water, Jesus, would I not forgot their meaning and purpose.

May this Lenten season be truly different. 

maya.

One missed call from Mom.

No message.

As intuition kicked in, I quickly checked the calendar. It was February 18th and my sister's due date was February 21st.

Could it be?!

I knew my mom wouldn't leave me a message about the arrival of a precious little girl. I knew she would wait to actually get a hold of me and tell me as close to in person as we could get without actually being face to face.

So I called back right away hoping to hear some exciting news.

I immediately heard the joy in her voice.

Welcomed to the world on Friday afternoon was precious, beautiful, and wonderfully made Maya Abigail.

"For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made."
Psalm 139:14

Simply hearing the news caused my eyes to fill with tears of joy and gratitude. I am so happy for Julie and Matt and completely excited to get to meet my new niece. :)!!!! (That means I'm smiling...a lot!)

I have been thinking of them so much the last few days. It's been a bit of a stressful beginning for them all. 

Maya has had some trouble breathing on her own and had a seizer on Saturday morning. She is currently at another hospital a couple hours away from where my sister and brother-in-law live. Julie was released from the hospital yesterday and was able to be with Matt and Maya at the other hospital last night. Today, they did a number of tests on little Maya to try and figure out what is going on. 

She has down syndrome, so the breathing troubles are likely tied to that. It's possible that the seizer was a result of a long and stressful labor. Right now, it's more of a waiting game for anything certain until they find out the results of today's testing.

We are hoping that soon they will be able to be all together at home.

My mom and I are planning a trip out east sometime soon. It will be incredible to spend time together!

I received an email with a number of pictures tonight. Here are two of my favorites. Enjoy. :)

my beautiful sister and her precious daughter

kisses from daddy

what do you want me to believe?

Where to start?! 


I have been working on a blog entry looking back on the year 2010. I am making slow progress on that. It just hasn't taken top priority in how I spend my time lately. I will say for now that there are a lot of things I find myself thankful for as I reflect on the last year.


Shortly after the new year, I flew down to St. Louis. This is not at all the point of sharing about this trip, but I can't resist to mention that while flying I rediscovered the wonder that is Sky Mall.


For a reasonable price I could have purchased a toilet training set for my cat, Dobber, as I was 30,000 feet in the air. Yes, Dobber could have learned to use an actual toilet. Or so it said.


I was a bit skeptical.


I also could have purchased the ever popular Garden Yeti. (For the garden I do not have.) I will tell you that I decided against both that day.


Oh, how Sky Mall is filled with such interesting items! It makes me think of all the stuff in this world that we believe will make life easier, more fun or more fulfilling. I just don't think owning a cat who can use the toilet or possessing a Garden Yeti is going to improve my quality of life. Sorry Sky Mall. You didn't get me this time. But thanks for the laughs.


I put Sky Mall back in it's little pouch in front of me and dozed off in my seat. Before I knew it, we were descending into St. Louis. I would spend the next five days with 1,200 other InterVarsity staff for National Staff Conference '11.
Coming in, I was feeling pretty drained.


Last semester ended with many things to be thankful for, both on and off campus.


God has been at work on campus. Yet, as staff, we were left with a holy dissatisfaction. We realized vision had been lost. We worked through a lot as a team and sought after God's heart more intently. This was good. Very good. But it was also a challenging and, at times, overwhelming thing.


While the holidays and time around Waseca was completely wonderful, it was pretty full. I came back to Bemidji and I wasn't rested. Then it was off to Staff Conference.


Nationals occur every three years. Last time around, the 5 five days were very impactful for me. I anticipated deep encounters with God.


That definitely happened.


God instilled vision again through His Word, stories from staff around the country, worship and time together as a staff team.


One of the moments that is still transforming my mind and heart is when Kristina Crosetto asked this question:


"What if the question isn't, 'God, what do you want me to do?' but 'God, what do you want me to believe?'"


Do I truly believe God can renew Bemidji State? Do I truly believe that God can provide a $50,000 budget? Do I truly believe the harvest is ready? Do I truly believe God's calling?


My conclusion from these questions: doubt has plagued my mind. I need Truth to saturate my everything!


Will you pray for this Truth to be known in all aspects of my life and ministry?


Oh, how I need Him!

i remembered my name.

Suzanne, stop in for a free rose.

"Mom, did you see that? Did I read it right?" I asked as we drove down State Street past Waseca Floral.

I was almost sure the sign outside the little floral shop had my name on it and was instructing me to stop in for a free rose.

Mmmmmm....k...?

Ya don't see a sign like that everyday so we turned the van around and went back to find out if they were being serious. I was a Suzanne. Did that mean I would receive a rose...just because?

We walked into the quiet little shop and over to the man behind the counter.

"Sooooo...we saw a sign outside. Umm...and...my name is Suzanne. [awkward pause] Does...that mean I get a rose?" I asked quizzically. 

"It sure does."

His reply was so matter-of-fact-like, it was as if I shouldn't have been at all surprised by this.

My Mom and I looked at each other and then back at the man.

Still somewhat confused and taking in the randomness of the situation I asked, "Ya need to see my ID or somethin?"

He chuckled, "I'll take your word for it." 

He turned around and carefully pulled out a beautiful red rose from the floral cooler behind him. He treated it with such delicacy as he wrapped it up and handed it to me. 

"Enjoy your day," he told me as he handed me my rose.

I don't know why I had such a hard time taking this in. It just seemed so random. Unexpected. Undeserved.

Yet, I decided to empty myself of skepticism and be filled with gratitude instead.

Because really, what girl doesn't enjoy receiving a rose just because?

I smiled, said thank you and went on with my day, rose in hand.

On the ride home, there was an overwhelming sense of God showing me His crazy love through this seemingly random event.

"Do you like it? It's from me. I hope you enjoy it. I love you."

I remember thinking that it was a great day to be named Suzanne. Even more so, Suzanne Rose.

Fitting, huh?

God pursues. He shows His love in big and little ways. For me that day, it was through a simple red rose.

He has been revealing His pursuit of me in powerful ways once again. Last night, I was introduced to the song "More Than Ashes".

It's completely beautiful. 

"By grace through faith in Christ I'm saved. I am not the same when He looks at me."

In faith, we are made right with God. We are a new creation! 

"I am the rose. I am the lily. I am Yours. I'm Your beauty."

Those lyrics have been playing inside me since last night. 

Then this morning, something hit me that moved me to tears. 

I remembered my name. 

Sounds funny, I know.  

But there is something powerful about our names. There is meaning and identity connected to them.

I wasn't just remembering what my name was as if I had forgotten that it's Suzanne. But I remembered something deeper. 

Suzanne means lily. My middle name is Rose.

"I am the rose. I am the lily. I am Yours. I'm Your beauty."

I remembered my name.

I remembered who I am because of Christ.

I am Yours, Father. I love you.